Flamingos can't fly.

Uh oh!

2011-12-22T13:43:00.001Z

Yesterday I came home from work feeling a bit bleurgh and headachey.
This morning I wake up with a full on cold.

Not exactly the start to Christmas I wanted, so as you can imagine I feel rather sorry for myself right now, all head pounding and bunged up.
Not even the dog wants to come near me!!!

Yesterday was quite a hectic day in work, with people buying their last minute presents for relatives and/or bargain hunting in our sale which is gradually happening (and being impossible to implement due to customers being EVERYWHERE and just generally messing up the shop).
Luckily I don't have to be there today, but will be in all day tomorrow & Saturday morning.
Oh and boxing day - sadface!

I did have a plan for what to write today, but being all ill and rubbish I have actually completely forgotten.
Probably something to do with the stupidly cheap sonic games being sold on the app store, must be rotting my brain.

Anyway, does anyone have any thoughts on hooded scarves? I have fallen in love with them but not quite sure how is the best way to wear them (do you go for a coat, or just a nice bit of knitwear to wear with one?) and also if they are a fashion yay or nay?

Asos, £7

Asos, £16.50

Asos, £22.50

Boohoo.com, £12. Isn't that just ridiculously amazing??? It does come in different colours, but this was the best!

New Look, £19.99. It is so snuggly.

Not a hooded scarf, but I saw this in my browsing on boohoo.com & am smitten. £12 and also available in grey & white.

Feeling a lot of love for Boohoo.com at the moment, especially after seeing some of their clothes at the mystreetchic.com party!

Xmas knitwear.

2011-12-19T17:00:00.007Z

Last year I bought a lovely grey fairisle jumper dress, but this year I have been lacking and haven't found that special Christmas day snuggly yet.

Kind of leaving it VERY late so not sure if I will end up with one this year, suppose I could just dress up nicely as Bertie boo the destructor will be staying in Bristol for the day as its a lot of upheaval and excitement for just one day.

However, I do have a few snuggly things I am tempted by!

Isla Reindeer Fairisle Cardigan, £25 from Boohoo.com

Pretty fairisle that doesn't have a nice swish sounding name (think I would have preferred it in green), £24.99 from H&M.

The most amazing jumper EVER! £28 from Dorothy Perkins.

This one has caught my eye for a while, something to do with the pricetag I think! £290, Marc by Marc Jacobs, sold at the rather lovely Garment Quarter!

I did have a few more to post, but a certain hungry puppy has told me that I am late providing his dinner!

More dressing up & making an effort!

2011-12-18T12:28:00.007Z

So after the crazy antics of friday night, last night was my work xmas party.

Dressing up two nights in a row? Actually unheard of in my book!

Sadly I didn't have the sense (or the battery) to take any photos of what I wore last night, which is a massive shame as I was very dolled up for me.

One of the girls I work with is amazing with hair while another is a qualified beautician, so they had a lot of fun doing me up properly.

So as we were going out for a proper meal this year, I decided to dress a bit more sedate than our drinking filled antics from last year.

So last night I wore:

Dress: £22.99 (I also own it in navy, but I knew someone else was wearing the navy, and it gave me chance to wear green shoes!)

Shoes: £12.99 (also come in black & nude)

Teamed with the same clutch and jacket from my outfit on friday night & my pandora bracelet.

Sorry guys but no prizes for where the outfit was all bought from!

Needing to get my act together!

2011-12-17T10:43:00.003Z

Well last night I was lucky enough to be taken along to the mystreetchic.com xmas bloggers party In Bristol with my bestie Char. Char has been doing a lot of photo shoots for the website (which is how she got in!) and she got me in with her!

I met lots of fantastic people there, Char caught up with a lot of the girls she had done shoots with and we got rather drunk on Cosmos!

There was a catwalk show with items from Boohoo.com (some REALLY amazing dresses on there!) & obligatory goodie bag.

When I get chance I will be taking photos of the contents of the bag, but with a hyperactive pug on the loose, probably not wise right now, but it was just such an amazing night!

I did however find it kind of embarrassing when people kept coming up to me asking if I was a blogger & telling them no!

Which is why I need to get my game on. :)

One of the things inside the goodie bag was a mini boohoo magazine which I shall now be worshipping as they had a very very special item of clothing which jumped out at me.

]\''''''''''''''''''p[;] - Just to prove my point, that was Bertie's input irn todays post, he does seem to be rather obsessed with running over keyboards!./;l, 1q§nby7 everytime he does this I would delete, but he is being too cute today so it gets to stay in!

Anyway, that special little something was a navy christmas onesie which typically has now disappeared from the website, but it was called Rach.

Could that have been any more perfect?! I promise to get a photo of it from my magazine later.

Lastly, what I wore last night:

Waterfall blazer: £24.99 from New Look.

Dress: £3 reduced from £40 last year! From New Look limited edition range.

Clutch: £12.99 from New Look (starting to see a pattern emerging eh?)

Bracelet: £ too expensive to think about from Pandora.

Heels: £19.99 last year from New Look.

Photo was taken by one of the lovely ladies from the event last night, not entirely sure but was taken from the mystreetchic.com. So I think it may have been by @ChloeLeePhoto!

Bertie Boo & a bit of a shock to the system!

2011-12-12T20:41:00.002Z

As we all know by now (anyone out there that still even bothers checking to see if I write anything) I am just hopeless with blogs. Utterly useless with the updating.

I only actually logged on to check to see if I had a photo of a dress I had bought sometime last year as I needed to show it to a friend and it turns out flicking back through my posts is a VERY depressing thing to do. Always knew I was a bit miserable but bloody hell I didn't quite realise I was that bad until now!

Anyway, last month I finally fulfilled a long time desire and bought myself a pug!

A couple of months ago I met a handsome pug outside my store and it just completely rekindled my need for one. He was actually the first pug I had ever met in real life, but he was so perfect!

So now I have my own little monkey called Bertie, or Bertie Boo as his pedigree name.

I didn't think I could actually love anything as much as I love my little Boo, completely infatuated with him. Everyone else who has met him seems to have also fallen in love with his cute little face too!

Work life is doing fine, this close to Christmas and I am not even stressed! Shows how brilliant my manager is, unlike the woman who was running my store last year!!!

Looking forward to Christmas, even though I will literally be home with my family for 1 day as both myself & Rob are working Christmas eve and boxing day!

At least we have new years off together to spend in Wales with Boo! x

Uhh.. Well I suppose it has been a while!

2011-08-29T11:30:00.002+01:00

Somehow I managed to forget that I even owned a blog, only being reminded today when I had a lovely little earthquake caused by my blackberry to tell me that someone lovely had sent me a comment.

This made me twig that I haven't said anything in several months *hits self with stick*

So here is a round up of what is going on (& recently gone on) in my little world!

Work: Same old, same old. We have our lovely manager back to running the shop which has relieved an awful lot of stress from my life. Our little shop seems to be on a precarious little rope at the moment, but shall have to wait and see how it all plays out.
However, the shop is filled with an awful lot of mustard coloured stuff at the moment.
I look like a freaking idiot in mustard!

Homelifesortofstuff: Absolutely gagging for a holiday, we were hoping to have gone somewhere nice and sunny in July, but it just didn't take off the ground, so the next patch of holiday time to plan something starts in..... 4 days. Somehow I can't see us jetting off anywhere then either!
We did get offered the chance to holiday in Sydney as we have a friend who has rented a house out there for 3 weeks right next to the beach, but we have a week off. £1000 for a flight for a week? I am so not feeling that. If it had been two weeks then fair enough!

My brother in law is currently on a flight back to Colorado as we speak, the poor sod has been living over here for 2 years, jobless and bored to death, so I suppose it was only fair for him to go home and actually have a life.
My sister now has to wait for months for her Visa to clear before she can go out and live there too.

*fingers crossed she is out there by february*
For my own selfish reasons of course, as Colorado is pretty damn close to Vegas... we also have 2 weeks off in February, so the flying out there will be worthwhile!
But it is very strange knowing that I won't be getting any random texts at 5am anymore...

In other news, it is my birthday on Saturday. Grand old age of 22!

Obviously there has been more crap going on in my little bubble, but the above is enough to bore anyone to sleep for now!

A little bit of....

2011-05-27T14:51:00.003+01:00

positive thinking!

As soon as I started writing, I remembered that I had forgotten to pick up a euromillions ticket for tonight (major fail).

That little bit of negativity aside.....!

Yesterday I had to make a trek up near Stoke on Trent for some work related training, apart from the ridiculously early morning it was a very good experience for me.
Meeting some local managers, learning new things, sharing some concerns, getting some good old fashioned guidance from those who know what they are on about.

I may have mentioned some things that may not have been so wise to mention after all, but I feel it is stuff that needed to get off my chest, I carry too much worry around with me and too much panic.

Currently, my only concerns are that what I may have mentioned yesterday will not have stayed in the group (hopefully not, if not will end up being more than just a concern!) and another issue which is ongoing anyway and nothing can be done about.

For me this is a step in the right direction, will just try rather hard not to take 2 steps backwards!

Hoping that yesterday will end up being a turning point for the better in regards to work and just help in the ongoing battle to keep my spirits high!

Being slightly naughty now and putting off the weekly jaunt to the gym!

Do you ever wish....

2011-05-25T10:56:00.003+01:00

that you could delete people in real life?
That is what I am currently wanting to do with one or two people I know.
One of these people I have the misfortune of seeing on an almost daily basis, and there is nothing more I want in life right now than for her to disappear forever.
I was debating the whole deleting of number, deleting of facebook but unfortunately that wouldn't even be enough.

After the tirade of grief via text this morning, I really am sick to death of her.
I may just quit my job and never leave the house again, may be easier.

For someone to make me so permanently miserable is actually quite impressive. However I just deleted her bitchy little message this morning and thought that would be enough to stop my good mood I woke up with from disappearing....

But instead today has to be ruined.

BITCH!

Clothes clothes and more clothes.

2011-05-04T20:50:00.002+01:00

In the last week or so I have managed to spend well over £100 on clothes, more likely closer to the £200 mark but I can't give an accurate number right now.

I seem to have developed a shopping problem!
Until now I have been rather sensible and just squirreled money away into various savings accounts, but all of a sudden I just decided I can't be bothered. If I want something, I am just going to buy it and not worry. I won't be able to do it for long as hopefully sometime soon we will be looking to move into a place of our own, but until then, why not enjoy myself?

Not going to go into everything I have purchased as I would be here all night, but memorable mentions go to:

A beautiful pair of wide leg trousers, black with a cream and coral small flower print, very 70's (I think, not really with all this retro stuff!)
2 new maxi dresses, typically as with the trousers I am unable to find photos online, so if I can ever be bothered I will take photos myself.
& other various goodies I am waiting the arrival of!

Other recent news included me deciding was bored of my extremely boring shade of brown and going red instead (a week and a half on I am still dying everything pink when I wash my hair) and the usual drama at work.

I am in dire need of a holiday and a visit to the gym right now to run my rage off!

Gym.

2011-04-18T18:57:00.002+01:00

Well after my lovely little depressing outburst last month, I finally decided to get off my ass and do something new and productive.

So boyfriend and I joined a gym!

The gym group has recently opened up in Bristol, right next to where I used to work last year, would have been so much more useful to have had it then mind!
But they have gyms throughout the UK and the ethos is cheap, no contract, 24/7 and no frills.
Obviously they market that a lot better than I do, but in essence its clean, good range of equipment and I can turn up wherever, as much as I want for £15.99.

So far we have only managed to go twice, but that is down to work being hectic, not all just laziness!
Hopefully going to go and run off my anxiety tonight or maybe tomorrow dependent on the state of the boyfriends back which was not very good last night....!

In other news, major shake ups in work around the region and it makes me rather uneasy, but there is little that I can do about that, just ride it out and see what happens really.

But at least my Dad is home from Australia now, means I can ring him up and have a good old bitch on demand! x

Enough is enough.

2011-03-23T17:35:00.002Z

After another very testing day in work (I lost again) I got home and cried.
and cried.
and cried.

I realise that it is about time I accepted that I am not normal and I haven't been for some time.
I seem to be constantly worrying and stressing out about everything, want to sleep as much as possible and given half a chance will spend an entire day in bed napping after an entire nights sleep.
I have no tolerance for people, I seem to get snappy & nasty for no reason.
Headaches most likely from stress
Very forgetful, I actually had to write a list of everything so I didn't forget anything, I will leave work and spend all night panicking because I can't remember if I have locked the shop, activated alarms etc.
Nice little negative thoughts, some days I do feel it would be so much easier if I didn't wake up.
Everything seems like a massive battle and I can't deal with it.
I will scratch at my arms to try and make myself calm down because I am so quick to anger, yet hate conflict so will do anything to try and avoid arguments in work.

Along with all that, I feel everyone is against me, I get nice eye twitching randomly and hate being along, very clingy and very easy to tears.

Basically I am a bit screwed, there will be more random stuff than this, but I won't remember it till later on. Fed up of feeling down and like crap all the time.

I don't know if work seems worse because of all this, or if its work that has exacerbated it, but currently thinking the latter. For the last month or so I have been dying to just walk out of there and not go back, its certain people that make me feel a hundred times worse.

I have never been an overly happy person, but it isn't healthy feeling like this.

I just need some help.

Flamingo love

2011-03-20T16:48:00.002Z

I saw this on the Daily Mail website a few days ago, and I felt so sorry for the poor thing!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1367595/Its-easy-stand-leg-Clumsy-flamingo-takes-undignified-tumble-wades-pool.html

Not a long article, theres a few pictures.

STAY STRONG MY FLAMINGO FRIEND!

Work work work work work & a week off.

2011-03-20T16:28:00.003Z

Feeling rather refreshed by my week off spent back in Wales.
Was really strange being in the house without my Dad, as he is currently in Australia (and hopefully stealing me a Koala!) but he is having an amazing time out there.
He is currently spending a month going around visiting pretty much everywhere out there but is sadly spending his 50th out there.
I am sure he is loving the idea of a sunny birthday, but I found it a little disappointing that I couldn't be there to harass him for being old and the like.

I still had a lovely time with the boyfriend & visiting my sister & Brother in law, Grandparents, little Welsh Nanny & the hospital known as my Mum's house (they were all suffering from one bug or another while we were down!)
While I was home, my Grandpa's older brother was taken ill, which meant my time with Grandpa was cut a little shorter than expected, but at least I saw him!

My week off also saw me reunited with two of my most favourite people ever, Hayley who I used to work with back in the day & Cassie who I have known since my drunk rampaging days who also does a beautiful job cutting hair.
While off out in Cardiff with Hayley, we managed to visit the cupcake shop which had some crazy bitch smashing the place up and attacking people over a lack of a certain cupcake a few weeks ago and I managed to buy lime green Dr Martens which were accessorized with purple laces! So ridiculous, but me in a nutshell!

A day after buying my DM's, I discovered my big little sister who is in Comprehensive school had made jewellery to sell for red nose day. One of the pieces she hadn't sold was this bright green & purple chunky bracelet which is a perfect match for my boots!
Needless to say, I had to have it. Will take a photo of both bracelet and boots when I can be bothered!

Work has been the usual, ups and downs for me, staff having issues with me and claiming I am bitchy along with everything else.
Pot calling the kettle black a bit, but I suppose that is the downside of working with all girls I suppose!
After leaving work last friday before going off for the week, I left the shop not wanting to ever step foot in there again, but over the week I realised that if anyone has a problem, then they can deal with it, I really do not care anymore.

If a new position comes up anywhere, then I will probably go for it, but for now I need to just keep my head down and ignore everyone to try and get through it.

Not much else has happened in my little world, if it had then I think my head may have exploded.

Yesterdays drama.

2011-02-09T14:15:00.004Z

For once I seem to actually have something to complain about.

Yesterday I woke up to a peculiar message on my facebook account effectively claiming my boyfriend of 5 yrs to be chasing after some blokes girlfriend.

First thing in the morning after a terrible nights sleep is NOT the best time to piss me off, especially when I am about to go to work.
As any person with a heartbeat would, I went absolutely mental about the message and confronted a very half asleep Rob, who denied the claim completely.

Work came and went, so I came back home to another message from this psycho trying to convince me that Rob is the biggest sex crazed fiend in the world and that it wasn't just a case of harassing his girlfriend on facebook, he was apparently doing this to several other women.
These other women being solely in his psychotic head.

Anyone who actually knows my boyfriend, knows that he bends over backwards for me, and knows that he is an honest, decent and very loyal guy.

A point to note, is that this bloke hadn't added me or Rob, has never met either of us, and yet felt the need to judge my boyfriend without ever meeting him, and without having a shred of evidence other than his paranoia over Rob commenting on the girlfriends facebook account 3 or 4 times in the last 2 months and the girlfriend even inviting Rob to her birthday event.

Call me crazy, but if you believe someone is harassing you, you don't then go and invite them to a fucking birthday celebration.

Messages went back and forth between myself and this idiot, with me getting more and more pissed off at him trying to go and wreck a relationship for no reason whatsoever.
He also made a huge effort of trying to convince me that his girlfriend was Rob's type as in his words 'she is beautiful and likes listening to metal'.

Obviously despite never meeting Rob, he felt he was in a perfect position to try and convince me what makes the perfect type of women for my boyfriend.
After seeing photos of this girl, beautiful is as far away from the truth as possible.
In fact she reminds me of this:
Actually, scene wolf is too good for that skank.

He also didn't appreciate me telling him that if she was being harassed, then she would be a big girl and go and click that nice little unfriend button, rather than bitch and whine and get her 'big bad boyfriend' to go and harass me instead.

The worst part of all of this, was that he made me doubt my boyfriend first thing yesterday morning. By the afternoon, I realised that he is an overbearing paranoid aggressive bastard who is in dire need of therapy.

Rob sadly has to work with this stupid bitch, which really does annoy me.
I have no idea if she was the one who claimed she was being harassed, or if her boyfriend imagined it, but I want her as far away from him as possible.

All I know, is that her and her boyfriend deserve each other.

Cannot be bothered.

2011-02-05T22:02:00.002Z

I have gotten to a stage where I really cannot be bothered with anything anymore.
Maintaining an online life seems too much effort these days, yet I feel the same about an offline life.
I still spend hours sitting idly on facebook as I have nothing better to do with my life and that is just so damn depressing, knowing there s nothing I feel worth wasting my time on instead.

Work has settled down I suppose, my store now has the original manager back running the place and it is completely different to what I have previously experienced there.

Last week I managed to get a pair of beaaaautiful shiny black patent Dr Martens in Cardiff (they actually have an official store there now) and have been alerted that there will be bright green ones being sold again in the summer. That made me rather happy.

I have spent this week with my family which was lovely. I haven't had a week off work since the beginning of September for my birthday, so it was well overdue.
The problem with going home is that I always hate leaving, it never does get any easier to leave my family behind while knowing that it is where I belong.

Hopefully one day soon I will be able to get out of this hell hole and back to Wales.

Argh.

2011-01-14T12:41:00.002Z

I am still very much fed up of this year.
All the stress, headaches and generic hopelessness wasn't enough apparently, so a kidney infection and mass conflict gets thrown in as well.

In a rather awkward situation work wise at the moment as there have been arguments with someone I work with.
Someone who should be treating me as an equal, instead treats me like a 2 year old, always has something to criticise me about and generally making me feel like crap.
It is just getting worse as it goes on and there is NOTHING that can be done about it.

Wish I hadn't bothered transferring over here, it is just making me ill and doesn't seem to be worth it.
I was a fraction away from walking out of there for good yesterday morning as I just cannot take it anymore.

Sigh.

2011-01-04T11:49:00.003Z

Well so far this year has not been the way I had hoped.

Have majorly screwed up one aspect of my life by not knowing when to keep my mouth shut, which will now make life very awkward/painful.
I really need to learn to think before I open my mouth, fricking idiot.

Through all my crappy eating I have managed to put on a fair bit of weight, jeans now digging in and cutting off circulation, dare I bend over at all in these.....

& I seem to have been in a rather bad mood due to the above, not that I am a normally nice person, but I am incredibly snappy now and stressed.

Woo.

Oh and to annoy me further, my outfit choice for today has been scuppered as my pretty new tights had a hole in the toe fresh out of the packaging, and the pattern stops just above my knee.
Not useful when I had planned to wear black high waisted shorts with them.

ARGHHHHHHHH.

2012 anyone?

Happy late new year and all that jazz.

2011-01-02T22:28:00.002Z

I spent my new years lying on a sofa with my favourite pink blanket and watched get him to the greek with the boyfriend and his little brother.
Nice, effective, no effort required.

After hearing that a very loved member of the family was getting put down (no we were not supporting Dignitas or anything...) Poppy, a cat that has been around for 19 years and was me if I were a cat.

We were all devastated by her death :(

New years eve also marked the 5th anniversary of my Grandpa dying as well, so I tend to avoid trying to celebrate as it seems rather disrespectful.

New years night was a ridiculous amount of fun though. I met up with my most favourite person from my time working at Cabot Circus, we (and our blokes) went to a rather nice restaurant which is marketed as 'Pan Asian' AKA buffet with lots of different noms & a chocolate fountain at the very end.
Turns out, there is an awful lot of food I can consume in 2 hours!

That actually was a good start to my new years resolution (no, not posting more...that would just be a sick joke) as I am intending to make an effort to see her at least once a month to catch up & get rather drunk.

Despite the overindulging last night, I still managed to get up vaguely early and drag people shopping >:) so more clothes I don't need and have no room in the wardrobe for then!

If I can be bothered, I may be nice and take some photos tomorrow, but it is rather unlikely for me to post two days running!

Holidays and my latest lame excuses for not posting.

2010-12-28T19:43:00.003Z

Well I hope of any of you that bother reading had a very enjoyable Christmas time.

^ Now that is out of the way.....
I have been very damn busy with all of those last minute shoppers and crazed bargain hunters recently, not much of a surprise seeing as I work in retail.

Very happy to say that we managed to make it back to Wales to have a real Christmas with my family. We shall ignore the fact that my long-suffering boyfriend had to drive us back at 10pm Christmas night so he could go into work the following morning.

It was a rather lovely day, filled with cackling that other people have to do the washing up after the obligatory xmas lunch, presents, explaining to my smallest sister that I was not eating a regular duck, nice ducks don't make it to the dinner table and its only those nasty vicious ducks that go and bite people end up being eaten by me, some really awful photos, PUSH FOR ICE (a longstanding joke that makes fun of my older sister) and then off to a more civilised dinner with my Dad & that side of the family.

Most likely not making much sense right now, but as usual I have had a rather stressful day and I now feel like I am dying, so I cannot think straight to save my life.

The chipmunks have managed to re-align their sleeping habits, so that we are not rudely awakened at 2am.
This makes for a happy Zilla, as it did get a bit tedious having to sleep on the sofa!

Other than the usual festive crap, yesterday was Rob's 21st birthday & our 5 year anniversary.
We ended up down the local pub. How romantic.
Luckily, a very amazingly good friend of mine I used to work with back in the Cabot days mentioned meeting up for a meal and catching up, so Saturday night I get to have a proper meal and amazing company :)

I can't be bothered to type anymore, not that I have anything interesting left in my life to talk about anyway.

Happy happy happy!

2010-12-14T20:20:00.004Z

It seems I have managed to find this weird inner happiness thing recently.
Not sure where that came from but anyway!

Blah blah blah I haven't updated in ages, the reason for that is I have been busy, with work, with the BEAUTIFUL chipmunks my amazing boyfriend bought me for Christmas (even if the little buggers do wake up in the middle of the night and keep us awake) and with generic Christmas shopping.

Look at me! I am a cuuuuute chipmunk NOM NOM NOM!

Work is going rather well now, I think it was just a case of needing to wait it out and riding with it. There were a few teething issues to start with but I think it has all settled down nicely now.
It also helps that the management in my store won the lovely new deluxe GHD sets last week as a company incentive & I only just found out (and received mine) today!

I mean? who wouldn't be gloriously happy with that?

The Christmas music hasn't driving me mad yet, but that may have been due to not having music for almost 2 weeks due to technical issues and almost going mad from the silence!

Aside from going home to see my family for ages, life seems to be going well.
Reconnecting with a very good friend that somehow managed to get away is also helping with the positivity :)

<3

The post where I complain about Christmas.

2010-11-27T14:43:00.002Z

I have done pretty much all of my present buying.
Every year there is a set way of how Christmas works out.

Presents for my family are bought by me.
Presents for my boyfriend's family are bought by him.
Everything is from a collective being known as Rob & Rach (or as my dearest sister will find out on Monday when her first anniversary card arrives, Pimpzilla & Batman.

Christmas day gets spent with my family.
Boxing day is a random messed up day involving lots of travelling.
The 27th gets spent with his family as it is also his birthday.

My Christmas shopping gets done usually really early.
His gets done the week before Christmas.

So imagine my shock when I get told a package from Play.com is arriving imminently and I am not allowed to open it.
At that moment I looked him in the eyes and asked if it was Keith Lemon related.
I just had that bad bad feeling Christmas day may end up being awkward.

As my nice huge fear was confirmed, we had managed to buy each other the exact same present.

Now normally it would be a random coincidence, but Keith Lemon is held with the upmost regard in our relationship. I actually do worship the man.
Luckily there is one other person I know who adores him as much as I.

So when my little spoiled present arrived in the post yesterday, we had to have the inevitable trip to Cabot Circus to visit a VERY speical someone.
A someone who made the last 2 years of my life an awful lot brighter than it would have been.
Her name, is Emily Bee.

Every friday I would show up to my shift and see her, usually greeting her with a very loud greeting of 'POTATO!'
In my leaving card, she actually did write 'you bang tidy bitch'.
This made her the easy choice to receive a random unwrapped present yesterday in the middle of her shift.

This also made a very good excuse for me to buy a much needed reindeer jumper dress, and a replacement present for Rob.

After all that, we headed to the local Hooters for some good service, good boobs & good food.

Then he got dragged around the shops again in the snow in search for Dr Martens.

I kind of decided I needed a pair, but still unsure of which colour I actually need.
Hopefully my Mum & Nan are going to get me a lime green pair for my Christmas present!

& I am just going to end this blog right here, before I sidetrack myself with randomness again.

P.S. I fucking hate Christmas music.

Sugar equilibrium & my usual dramas.

2010-11-22T19:42:00.002Z

I knew it had to happen someday, but I finally have had to kick the lucozade habit that was becoming rather pronounced in my daily routine.
Managing to go without any for a day led my driving instructor to ask me if I had taken something. Definitely not a good sign when he works for the police!

Couple of days on from that and I still feel like crap, but now I am topping up my sugar levels with jelly belly beans. I don't think anyone really realises how hooked you can get off sugar.

Today has been eventful but for completely the wrong reason, another driving lesson when I almost got myself and driving instructor killed on a bloody roundabout.
Just when I seem to be getting on alright with them, I completely cock everything up again and then decide I don't want to carry on driving anymore.
The more positive note was learning to do a second maneuver, I can add a turn in the road into my list of skills.
The fact I was swearing and going 'ahhhhhhhhh' while trying to do it doesn't matter, although I was warned against doing that if I ever get as far as a driving test.

Basically not a good day, all that and then the most bitching headache I have ever had in my life makes me just want to give up on everything.

A nice 10 hour shift in work tomorrow just makes me feel even more like giving up, switching my phone off and never getting out of bed ever again.
Just hoping we have some nice stock come in with our delivery in work tomorrow.
Think I need a nice festive jumper for xmas.

Progress...?

2010-11-12T19:17:00.003Z

What another bloody hectic week.

The week started out fairly normal, the odd bit of overtime here and there, until we reached Wednesday.

On Wednesday I was meant to be in the store with the assistant manager, but unfortunately she had caught a nasty bug so had just come in for an hour to do paperwork and a few other bits and bobs before I could get in for 9.
So at 9 she went back to bed bless her as she was not very well at all.

So I had the fun job of actually running the store for the day!
It turned out to be one of those things you think would be really easy, but when it comes down to it, its hard work and stupidly stressful.
Either way we made it through the day unscathed and I felt pretty damn good about the way the day went.

Thursday however was a bit of a joke in my eyes.
The bite sized version: manager in traffic due to accident, I was outside in the cold by myself for an hour and a half. Apparently I should have just gone in anyway and been around, instead I waited till another member of staff turned up to go in and open up for the day.
People had wrong numbers for other people, massive mix up and as I was outside, not inside it caused a bit of a disaster blah blah majorly stressful.

So its all been rather up and down.
A few xmas presents arrived, some more ordered, life goes on basically.

Now just waiting on the boyfriend to come home to give me a big hug.
Hoping next week isn't as stressful.

hmmm.

2010-11-04T19:38:00.002Z

Well I have finished my first week at my new store, although my training hasn't started yet :/
Problem being that I have come from a massive store where I knew what I needed to do, down to a store a fraction of the size and I feel like a fish out of water.
I don't know what needs doing and when, whats expected of me and what to do when there is no customers in the shop and quite honestly I am finding it frustrating as hell that I need to be told the simplest of things because I don't know how the shop runs, other than its a hell of a lot different to what I am used to.
I hate being made to feel like an idiot because I haven't closed one door at a certain time or what time the floor needs to be vacuumed.

I know I have only done 3 shifts there and I am still due to be trained but I really am wondering if I have in fact done the right thing.
At least in my old store I knew exactly what went on and all the routines, here I just feel simple :(

My first day I enjoyed, even though I didn't really do very much, but it was just the excitement of doing something new. Day 3 and just feeling stupid and like a small child is not enjoyable.

Seriously hoping next week I feel more positive, too late to go back to my old job :/

Last day!

2010-10-30T13:08:00.001+01:00

Well yesterday marked my last day at work, turns out I get a three day weekend as I am not due to start work in my new store till Tuesday.
This would have been all well and good if the boyfriend hadn't had to work all weekend and if I wasn't bored and lonely as hell at home right now.

Still very nervous about starting on Tuesday!

Hooters & news

2010-10-27T19:59:00.006+01:00

The news I mentioned whenever I last posted (Monday?) is that I somehow managed to get employed as a Supervisor within my company, although it did mean a transfer to a much smaller store and a cut in my weekly contracted hours.
How badly this move is going to affect my finances I am not so sure yet, but seriously more worried about if I have made the right choice in leaving a (mainly) fantastic group of people behind in ye olde 1816. Really do not want to be looking back in a few weeks time and regretting leaving my old store behind.

It is also kind of sad that I was there when my current branch was opened, I was involved in the stock-in and have seen the store progress massively, seen 3 store managers in 2 years, countless people leave and be employed and just generally get so attached to people.
Knowing exactly what I am about to leave behind hurts an awful lot, but I'm hoping that my little leap of faith is going to be a worthwhile career move.

On Monday when I found out I was soon to be leaving, I was initially told I had 2 or 3 weeks before I was expected to transfer over to my new store.
On finishing my shift on Tuesday, I discovered that there had been significant change behind the scenes between my soon to be old manager and my new one, and that I was due to finish on Friday instead. Nice fast change of pace there, especially as I had talked myself into having at least another week to get to say proper goodbyes to everyone I worked with. :/

But anyway, I have no idea what to expect in my new role, no idea what time I am due to start in my new store on Monday yet which makes everything that little bit more nerve wracking and lastly what to expect out of the team I am about to join.
My Mum reminded me when I was getting her advice on the potential career move a few weeks ago, that in a much smaller store there would be a much higher chance of me having a personality clash as there are only a few employees there. In a big store it is much easier to avoid anyone I have issues with.
For me this seems to be a real worry as I do have my problems, as those who know me in real life will agree with wholeheartedly.
Basically - oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I really hope this works out for me alright.

On a lot less stressful news and weirdly more exciting, I finally had my turn to visit Hooters Bristol.
All I can say is oh my God.
After finishing work today, the boyfriend and I had a nice long walk/sightseeing tour trying to find where the bloody building was.

Note to self: if Rob says he knows where something is, DO NOT BELIEVE HIM!
Luckily today coincided with not only his day off, but a friend of his also working her shift at Hooters.
We walked inside and were instantly greeted with a chorus of 'welcome to Hooters!' with added American drawl thrown in at the end!
So of course, we went and sat in the zone belonging to Robs friend, so she could wait on us today.

Deciding on my usual restaurant choice - a rack of ribs with curly fries & sides and for Rob Buffalo shrimp with curly fries, seemed to be a pretty awesome choice.
If in doubt, go for ribs!
Both sets of noms were ridiculously tasty (convinced the curly fries actually contain crack right about now!) and I polished off a slice of cheesecake afterwards, followed by 3 pints of coke.

Inside of Hooters was interesting, lots of signs to laugh at, lots of boobs on parade as you would expect and great service to top it all off, especially with some rather interesting conversations!

Oh and they show Robot Wars on several TV screens across the restaurant - major win!

The twitter lot seriously missed out on this one! ;)

:))))))))))

2010-10-25T15:07:00.001+01:00

I had some very very good news today, after having an amazing weekend.
But I can't/shouldn't say anything just yet. ;)

Fingers crossed.

2010-10-18T15:34:00.002+01:00

Well as of today my Nan who has been very long suffering, has had her first operation on her eyes which will greatly improve her quality of life.
That is the first reason my fingers are so tightly crossed they may snap.

Secondly, I am waiting to hear back on a job that I really desperately want.
It is in the same company, but within a different branch which is in walking distance from the house, as a part time Supervisor.
Anyone who knows me in real life will find this rather laughable, I mean me being in charge at times?!?!
Either way I find myself at a point in my life where I desperately want to progress and make something of my life, I cannot stay in a sales advisor role forever.
Some people are quite content with that and good for them, but for me I need something more.

I am waiting for a phone call to let me know when I have to go interview again anyway, which is pretty nerve wracking as I am awful at interviews.
Pretty convinced that being full up with a cold helped me on Friday though, as usually I will put my foot in my mouth more than once during the whole process!

Sunday saw my tiniest sister turn 9, pretty sad that I was stuck over in Bristol feeling sorry for my self and sniffling but I suppose it is better that I didn't give her an extra present on her birthday!

Dominatrix & other randoms.

2010-10-09T23:25:00.002+01:00

Felt I should probably write another post on here, seeing as the boyfriend whines when he has nothing to read and he decided to tell me off again today for not updating regularly.
Anyone would think we didn't talk to each other in real life...

It looks as if my Nanny will be getting an eye operation in the next few weeks so she will be able to actually see again, which is good.
Life in Wales is ticking along as usual, a fortnight ago the family had the joyous experience of krispy kreme doughnuts.
You can imagine they went down amazingly with my little sisters being sugar starved!
Needless to say I have to bring more doughnuts down with me when I am down next time, nice expensive hobby to keep up.

Life over the bridge seems to be as usual as well.
Last weekend marked my first proper visit to Weston Super Mare as well.
The night involved a lot of drinking, losing a little green cocktail umbrella and chasing after it drunk down the road as it was being blown away by the wind and then deciding I wanted to put this filthy umbrella in my next drink, trying to talk spanish to a drive thru window as my boyfriend decided the server was obviously from Spain and named Pablo, and finally trying to convince him that a cheeseburger contained no meat (boyfriend being a vegetarian) for the entire journey home.

Or the short version of the above post: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah DRINK!

Also still managed not to kill anyone with my driving!

Saturdays...

2010-09-18T13:38:00.002+01:00

Well this week saw me discover my new favourite show thanks to my bestest bish Bav.
Dark Blue is possibly the best show I have seen ever. Totally amazing.

Good little domestic housewife today, laundry in, tidied up, carried a ridiculously bloody heavy parcel to the post office for the boyfriend & sent a care package off & picked up some food at Tesco.

Anyway, tomorrow will be the 1st anniversary of my Uncle dying (nice and cheerful time of year of course) & it just seems so strange thinking this time last year I was sat in a hospital room with my family watching him take his last breath. Still doesn't seem like it ever happened, even more weird is that a year has flown by so quickly. I feel majorly bad for not being back home this weekend to go put flowers on his grave but next weekend I shall be back in Wales to be able to do so.
Sounds really horrible but in a way it is a bit of a relief not to be there, to witness the grief of my Mum & my Nan :( It has been majorly hard the last 2 or 3 years for both of them and I really just wish that things would start looking up for the family, but with my Nan being in such poor health, I don't think it is going to be over for us any time soon.

For some reason as well the blogging juices really are not flowing today.
Just to write the crap I spurted out above took me 20 minutes :/ I seem to be a bit of a yo-yo lately still, but I can put that down to the current circumstances.

First week back...

2010-09-10T19:20:00.002+01:00

Well after having an AMAZING week back home with my family, Saturday brought the inevitable journey back to Bristol.
After having such a laid back and just plain happy week, it was a massive downer to have to readjust ready back to work and just the real world.

To be fair, first week back at work was alright, pretty uneventful for the most of it anyway.
However, today was particularly lovely as I finally got to meet Fi.

Now, for any of you that have known me for a while, may know that I was part of the Shiny fashion forums back in the day for a while.
It is through there that I know a few exceptionally lovely people, 2 of which were responsible for my introduction to twitter. Fi is one of those people :) she has her own blog (shoegalfi.blogspot.com) which is somewhere in my blogs I read bit, or whatever the hell I named it anyway!

I have known her for several years, so it was lovely to be able to say yup, met her in the real world too!
So we had a few hours of wandering about Bristol shopping and having a hunt for a denim skirt. (which didn't end in a success sadly!)

On a family note, yesterday was my brother in laws birthday, for which myself and the boyfriend have promised to take him to Hooters when it eventually opens in Cardiff.
Partly for the fact he is American, and also because its a good excuse for chicken wings, beer & boobs!
Also, today saw my dearest Nan allowed out from hospital again. This time around she was stuck in isolation for a few weeks, so it is a relief to know she is settling back into her home again. :)

Current music mood is stuck between Pendulum's latest album & The XX.
Polar opposites, but it works for me!

Week so far.

2010-09-01T13:48:00.002+01:00

So far my time off has been lovely, relaxing, watching Jerry Springer and visiting various family.
But now is the final little countdown to my birthday and after failing to find a restaurant that will cater for a lot of fussy eaters, I decided to just have a quiet chinese with family over at my Grandparents.
This seems to end up being my normal birthday celebration as it caters for everyone except my older sister.

Now this sister is the absolute fussiest of us, she eats no savoury food, only bread, yoghurt and desert basically.
As you can imagine, this makes going out for meals awkward as hell and frankly embarrassing for my Grandparents who cannot understand why at 24 she is still ridiculously fussy.
In comparison, I seem to be a rather good person to cater for, providing there is no vegetables involved.
This way sister can be fed her usual attire of bread and pudding without anyone feeling awkward whatsoever.

I was under the impression she would have been happier with this arrangement anyway, so I was told I had to tell her the updated birthday meal plans.
So today (I was meant to yesterday but I ended up meeting up with some old friends and getting properly pissed!) I send her a message to let her know what is going on.
Dear God why did I even bother?
I get a response from her which to be honest really annoyed the hell out of me.
She made a massive fuss about how she didn't get paid by her work and has no money, and she can't afford to pay for her and my brother in law to get down to us for the meal.
Instead she was planning on getting carted around like a princess being chauffeured to a restaurant and having my Grandparents pick up the bill.

Now the plan to have a takeaway also solved the problem of designated drivers.
Everyone aside from my boyfriend will likely drink a stupid amount of wine and whatever else becomes available and this saves anyone from not being able to drink as they would have to drive.

But still, I end up with my sister having a go at me for changing what I wanted to do.
Obviously she forgot that it is going to be MY 21st, and I actually get to choose what I want to do, not what she wants to do.
Rest of the family, perfectly happy with the arrangements except her. I haven't had chance to see her all week as she has been working but now she would rather go without seeing me at all than ask for someone to either lend her the train fare or to even go collect them and bring them down.
Even though if she doesn't even have enough money to get down here, she won't have enough money to feed herself and pay her bills, so basically she needs a loan which Grandparents will happily give her.

Fucking typical that it is her causing the problems.

Random photos

2010-08-28T14:57:00.005+01:00

I took both of these using my blackberry, so quality surprised me!
First picture was taken last night when we had to make a detour on the drive back to Wales to get petrol about 4p cheaper than normal. Double rainbow ohhmeegod in the words of Rob.
Funnily enough, as we went around a corner, we could see the entire rainbow but the photo didn't come out well. Further along the end of the rainbow was actually the mcdonalds arches!
Again though the photo didn't come out, which is a shame as it was pretty damn funny.
Turns out it was the nicest mcds I have ever had too!

This photo was taken about half an hour ago when we were returning from food shopping.
My Dad's garden is a bit wild, but obviously the butterflies appreciate it as they are in abundance at the moment. This just looked pretty though!

Wales :D

2010-08-27T22:14:00.002+01:00

Well finally after what seemed to be the never ending week, I finally ended up back in Wales where I belong.
Taking the next week off work to come and spend some time with my family and also celebrate my birthday which is next friday.
Hopefully my Nan will be out of hospital by then (again for the billionth time) but only time will tell.
Aiming to go and visit her tomorrow evening, although the timing and location of the hospital means it will most likely be filled with drunk chavs who have been glassing each other up in the pubs but that is one of the highlights of that town!

It is just going to be so good to be home, relax in my OWN bed, which has been proven to be the most comfy ever, spend some quality time with family which doesn't happen when only down for a weekend flying visit and just relax with my Daddy.

Speaking of Dad, I am sure by the end of the week I will be tearing my hair out with his whistling (I do not let the boyfriend do that, I hate it) and his singing at all hours of the day.
At least him harassing me for birthday present ideas will only last a few more days ;)

Really wish I had packed my camera charger now though so I can get some decent photos of the family while I am here. Haven't had any of me with family for a while :(

Spree.

2010-08-21T16:44:00.002+01:00

After all the lusting and getting approval on the dream boots I mentioned in the last post, I decided after work yesterday I would go and try the beauties on so I knew what size I would need to get when I got paid.

All was not meant to be though.
After having another frankly awful shift and feeling really low about everything (not exactly a rare occurrence in my life) I felt I really did need to have a bit of a splurge with my non existent funds.
Seeing as I needed to replace the new jeans which exploded at the knee, or as the security guard kept telling me 'your knee is smiling at me' to which I replied, well its the only part of me which does smile here!
So I grabbed pretty much every pair of denim I could find in the shop currently and a few tops I had been looking at throughout the week, I headed off with an overflowing basket to the fitting rooms.
I was definitely over the garment restriction when I went in, but conveniently I am very much a resident in the fitting rooms prior to my shifts, I headed on in with the fitting room girls waiting for the mini zilla fashion show.

Firstly, to get the boots out of the way.
I was really upset to put the highly coverted clompy boots on and find the ankle on them is very baggy and my foot just flopped around like a fish, I am well aware that my feet are a ridiculous fit, ranging from a 5 to a 7 in different styles, however there was no way my feet were going to fit in the size below.
The disappointment however was not all bad, as the cheaper alternative I had picked up to try on (£25 on the label, scanned at £26.99 as I noticed when I got home, tut tut!) fitted like a dream. Just to flump my efforts though, the colour I bought has now disappeared from the website, so below is the brown version. I bought the faded black so more bluey grey in places. (Basically a few shades darker than the boots I posted yesterday.)

After finding the brown version to post, I am actually really tempted to swap my colour for the ones above. The brown just looks rather tasty now!

Next to try on were the several hundred pairs of assorted denim shorts/jeans/skirts.
In my typical fashion (read actually just misshaped body) only 1 pair made the final cut.
Even though I had a variety of size 8 & 10's as I seem to be an annoying size 9, only 1 thing vaguely fitted me - a pair of black denim high waisted shorts.
I had these in a 10 in the cubicle with me as there were NO size 8's to be found on the shop floor, but one of the stars I work with spotted an 8 on the fitting room rails of clothes to be taken back out to the shop floor.
No idea if these even suit me, or if I will even wear them, but the idea of owning a pair seemed to gel well with me.Also no photo of these on the website, so when I can be bothered to try them on again, I will take a photo and post up on here!

After finding a pair of denim shorts to replace the broken jeans of yesterday with, I then thought I should try on a cute little playsuit I had seen on the shop floor.
WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER?!
The size 8 wouldn't go up above my bum, but the 10 looked like a bin bag on me. Easily the most unflattering garment I have EVER tried on. Nicer on the hanger easily, and at £25 a bit of a joke to be honest.
So on to the tops.
Out of every top I picked out, only 1 didn't look right on me, which frankly is a miracle as I cannot shop for my body shape at all. Gok Wan would probably have a stroke if he saw the crap I wore some days.
I ended up buying a very long top which when put on straight pretty much goes to my knees, so some artful pulling up and readjusting, looked a rather lovely top! Again no photo online, but its a chocolate/mocha coloured jersey top, with a slight cowl neck and an eerie massive tree print on the front. Honestly a lot nicer in real life, I am just crap at describing things.
Another top, with is a white burnout top, slight bubble hem at the bottom, but very tempted to go a bit scissor happy, remove it and re-hem. But the burnout instead of being random streaks, looks like that really posh print you get on fancy wallpaper, has a bit of an angel sleeve detail going on as well, but another failure by the website in lacking a photo. Seriously not much luck with the photos this time around!
To go with the above top, a draped chocolate coloured jersey waistcoat, really long with big pockets down the bottom, for this one I do have a photo, but it isn't a brilliant photo, a lot nicer in the flesh again, so a photo of me wearing it shall be appearing soon :)

To round off my little shopping trip, I wanted to get some thick socks in cream or grey to have under the new boots and peeking out over the top.
I couldn't for the life of me find the ones I wanted, so decided to settle with the tights version.
As I left the shop with my giant bag of goodies, I saw the bloody socks I wanted.
Being as it was well past 3pm, & that I had finished work at 1.30, I thought meh and left with the tights.
I got home and realised the tights weren't the right colour to match the boots, who would have thought cream bloody tights to match black/grey boots wouldn't have gone at all? Wrong shade of cream apparently.

So another session is due for me on Monday, to potentially swap colour boots, and get those stupid socks. URGH.

Still no news from my Nan, so I guess she is still back in hospital.
Just counting down the days till I get to go home :)

I am truly awful

2010-08-19T21:05:00.002+01:00

The boyfriend reminded me that I seem to mention in every post that I am sorry I haven't updated much and that I will do more in future and be a better blogger. He is right though, I say it all the time and it never happens.

It always seems like there is too much going on to put aside 5 minutes and just write down what is going on in my crazy little life and my messed up head.

Well.

Today in work we had a big important visit from our regional manager person and his boss and loads of store managers from other nice big shiny stores in the region.
So we all made an effort to dress in nice current uniform, look lovely blah blah blah.

So I wore my nice new blue skinny jeans, only worn once before.
By 11am I had a tiny hole appear in one knee, luckily I was in the fitting rooms so I didn't have to worry about the important men coming in and seeing the state of me.
So around 11.30 I got moved to tidy the greeting zone of the store, fair enough, the hole was tiny and unnoticeable really.
So I bent down to pick up a scrap of paper off the floor (so we didn't get a lawsuit from someone slipping on it) and I heard the tell tale creak of the hole widening.

Imagine my shock when I look down and the knee now has a hole from seam to seam.
Of all the days to have it happen, its on a big important day.
Luckily I am adept at hiding from big important people that may query me on how much the store has taken so far during the week and how much above or below target we were.

That was todays main little highlight, yesterday however was a bit more serious than a hole in the knee.

I had a text from my Mum telling me that my Nan, who has been ill for a few months had been readmitted into hospital with kidney problems and pneumonia (for the billionth time). She is in and out of that hospital like a yo-yo the last few months and it is even more stressful thinking that it has been 11 months today since her son died in hospital.

I feel a bit torn, I would rather her be in hospital as she has been having some rather worrying 'turns' during the last week or so where she completely zones out and just doesn't seem to be all there, but I know how much she despises hospitals, and well her being in hospital shows she is seriously ill.

However, I do feel rather blessed that I have several people on ye olde trusty twitter who have been there for me to rant to, been there to comfort me and just basically show i'm not on my own struggling with life at the moment.
Makes life feel a little easier knowing there are people that care.

On a happier note though, a lovely friend should be up in my neck of the woods next month, so will be lovely to finally meet her :D

Also, I am currently eyeing up these boots. I LOVE stompy boots, so I must have these!

Stuck.

2010-08-08T15:22:00.002+01:00

I seem to be at a standstill at the moment with where I want to go in life.
Last week I was asked to work extra hours to cover a floor move, which at first seemed to be alright.
Typical zilla style I found out that I wouldn't actually be allowed to do any merchandising (back to the whole I need to be trained first pain in the ass) yet when I was in Majorca they trained a few members of staff who don't work in a role that needs them to merchandise.
So imagine my annoyance to find they had said people doing merchandising and just shoving me off to do pointless crap that I can't do properly as I haven't been trained to put new clothes out.

Back to the whole why do I even fucking bother line of thinking again.
For the next fortnight I was asked to work full shifts to cover one of the team who is off on holiday, I told them its pointless as I haven't been trained to do her job!
So one of the newly trained is doing copious amounts of overtime instead and I get a few extra hours here and there.

Seriously would love a new job right now, not one that makes me feel like a pointless piece of shit as my current one does.

General life is equally as shit and annoying, the only good thing to have happened is for my Nan to have escaped hospital and be back home again.

Relationship seems to be a complete waste of time, I can't stand anyone right now & I may as well just go runaway and never been heard from again.
Why am I even alive?

We survived...

2010-07-30T17:20:00.003+01:00

Obviously we survived the holiday as I have been terrorising twitter ever since we returned.
Surprised at how well the boyfriend and I managed to cope without the internet while we were out in sunny Spain.

Lacking a massive tan, but it is nice to get a bit of a healthier colour on me, the whiter than white was not a good look on me. The temperature averaged in the 30's with great weather every day and the nights were warm, which led to me getting nibbled on by insects. Still itchy!

After all the stressing out about flying and the tears, it all went fine aside from the flights being delayed both ways. Sitting in a Spanish airport at some God forsaken hour in the morning was not the most fun experience for us, seeing as the vending machines were ripping us off for drinks and snacks.
A little bit of turbulence on the flight home, but by then I was rather relaxed about flying so wasn't an issue.

Monday saw us back at work *groan* and I could really do with another holiday already!
Plenty of things to do though.
Being payday I sneakily put some money in the newly created fund for next years holiday.. but don't tell!

Naughty Zilla.

2010-07-10T09:36:00.002+01:00

I keep telling myself that I will post regularly.
Well that got thrown out of the window again!

The last fortnight I have been slaving away in ridiculous heat working night shifts (10pm-7am) so that accounts for the lack of posts.
Not only have I been permanently asleep when I haven't been at work, but I haven't had chance to go shopping either, so really nothing new to update.

Luckily the night shifts are over again (for now) & I really don't think I can cope with working them again. Normally I cope fine, but for this time around I have been rather ill and not tolerating them very well :(

Anyway, my third driving lesson is looming ahead for today, then hopefully some time for shopping with the bestie. Her birthday tomorrow & I haven't got her anything yet (hey, I have been sleeping!) so need to correct that pronto.

Maybe some new buys to show off later, holiday departure in a week!!!

Slightly more positive but then not quite.

2010-06-23T19:36:00.002+01:00

A bit of a mouthful in the title today, this is down to today/last nights happenings.

To get the negative out of the way, I had a phonecall last night from my Mum to tell me that one of my Nan's had been admitted into hospital.
Basically this Nan, who shall be from now on known as welsh Nanny has had various medical problems for some time, a lot of them due to her rather active smoking for the majority of her life (however she now hasn't smoked for several years) alongside being a bloody hard worker without the time to properly take care of herself. Along with the smoking related ailments she has asthma, severe arthritis, Osteoporosis.. the list goes on.

Down to her rather badly needing her cataracts taken care of as she is pretty much blind, she had an argument with a door which knocked her backwards one night last week. Both myself and my Mum suspected she had broken some ribs but she refused to see the doctor. (It is most definitely her that I inherited the stubborn as a mule trait)
She was admitted to hospital yesterday as she had managed to get a really nasty chest infection as she couldn't take her various pumps seeing as she couldn't breathe due to the broken ribs.

She loathes hospitals with a passion, even moreso after spending 9 months visiting the hospital every day to see my uncle who eventually died of liver failure last september.
I feel rather sorry for her being landed up in another hospital again but there is no other options for her at the moment.

Onto the nicer news, work was tolerable, no shouting at me which was greatly appreciated although I am now due to work the next fortnight doing night shifts, doubling my hours from 20pw to 40.

I have just also had my second official driving lesson. I am MAJORLY relieved to say it went a damn sight better than last week. Although this week I refused to use the clutch and the breaks and just drove around a car park steering and using the accelerator - perfectly fine by me.
At least I can actually bloody steer around corners now without panicking.
Also had to drive myself home which was rather daunting, but no accidents, no near misses and no damage to myself, instructor or car.

Lovely.

3 WEEKS TILL HOLIDAY! :]

What's going on...

2010-06-22T18:59:00.002+01:00

After saying I was going to be better at this and actually blog frequently, everything kind of fell apart.
My current state of mind is definitely not a good one, hasn't been for some time but it has seemed to have sunk lower and lower.

All I can really get the enthusiasm to do once I have escaped from work is just to go home and sleep as it seems to be the best way to be spending my time.
Burying my head in the sand much? Yes. But I can't hate myself while I sleep so its a small bit of relief.

Stress is making me more irritable, and it is now becoming noticeable day to day, so I don't sleep much during the night and don't eat much during the day. I am completely absent minded in work, getting instructions mixed up and missing what people are saying to me. I have a feeling it won't be long before I get a disciplinary seeing as I have been threatened with one by the same member of management at least three times in the last two weeks. Apparently I was paying enough attention to hear that.

That is just a brief sort of glimpse into what is going on, obviously there is a lot more on my mind but I don't think its appropriate for me to go into much more detail here.

But basically I am not a happy bunny.

Attempts to change certain aspects of my life really aren't working, I thought possibly getting out of my current employment and into something else would have helped, but no other company is willing to look my way so it obviously isn't going to happen anytime soon.

I suppose something has got to give, be it me or them.

.... & I can't drive.

2010-06-16T20:08:00.002+01:00

After the excitement of the boyfriend passing his driving test last week, I booked a lesson with his instructor to try and get me up and driving.
Well today was that lesson and all that has really come out of it has been tears and a massive sense of failure which is one that is definitely NOT new to me.
I was so sure it wouldn't be too bad but it really was horrendous.
No control over anything, then getting worked up because I couldn't and getting more stressed and more forgetful. Just really didn't happen.
Didn't expect to be amazing, but I just seriously let myself down and it is a really big blow for me. Obviously just wasn't for me. :(

Some good news for a change!

2010-06-12T09:05:00.002+01:00

I haven't bothered updating for a while because to be honest, there didn't seem any point.
Work was just its usual self, outside of work was about the same as usual so there wasn't really much point.

It's kind of hard to get the motivation to write anything as well, knowing that really no-one cares, a handful of people read and its that handful that know me extremely well and know pretty much everything that is going on in my miserable little existence anyway.

Had a very big downer day during the week, and that was pretty much the only thing of note.

Apart from yesterday.

The boyfriend had his driving test yesterday morning and passed, which was a lovely way to end the week, finishing my shift in work and having a message waiting for me to tell me the good news.

His insurance was all sorted out quite late last night, so he was able to drive himself into work this morning. I won't lie and say I wasn't worried about him driving by himself, especially as on thursday night I was in the car with him driving around a race track and didn't feel comfortable at all in the car with him.

But that will all have to change, hopefully will get him to take me out this evening when he gets home from work, although he refuses to drive on the motorway yet.

Now to get back to being bored to death until he gets home!

Holiday shopping.

2010-05-30T12:36:00.006+01:00

Friday night marked the end of my stay in Wales with my family, so of course what better way to cheer myself up than by going shopping with the bestie?

Well, aside from the billion shoppers that decided they HAD to go shopping as it is a bank holiday weekend.

Ignoring the ridiculous amount of shoppers, screaming kids and just plain idiots that decide they have to stand in front of doorways and right in the middle of the pavement so you can't get past them, it was a lovely day.

Managed to spent about £80 quid on various items, which for me is the sign of an AMAZING day shopping.

As we are going on holiday and don't want to look like 'heffers' we are attempting to go on a healthy living spree, which means every 5 minutes my dearest gets a text asking if XYZ is healthy. Poor thing!

Anyways, after embarking on a lovely lunch of paninis which literally took half an hour to cook, we decided to hit the shops.

First lovely buy was this sundress from Topshop. I had been debating if I really needed it for a few weeks now but of course I couldn't resist it in the end.
It comes in lots and lots of really pretty colours, but I quite liked the grey.
And the black.
And the blue.

(apologies for awful photo!)

Next was to Game to satisfy the boyfriend by buying him Red Dead Redemption.
Not quite sure if it worked as as soon as he played it, he started complaining about every single thing about the game, he does get pretty angry when he plays on the Xbox. :/

The most crucial part of the trip, was to get me bikinis for the holiday.
Style wise I'm really not fussy, but its just trying to find something to fit me which is the problem.
I ended up with these beauties from Dorothy Perkins as I have to buy separates.

In addition to the healthy eating, the boyfriend and I are going to try and start going running, which led me to buy a pair of joggers from Primark. Insert even more people fighting it out for their prized bargains. Ick.

Finishing off the purchases for the day, were jaffa cake & creme egg milkshakes which took at least half an hour to make, before the new girl making them knocked one of the milkshakes over and a flamingo vest from New Look at £6, being very stubborn and refuses to be photographed!

Lazy holiday.

2010-05-24T08:17:00.002+01:00

Well I haven't bothered writing anything for a few days as I am currently back home in Wales for a week and a half of holiday.

Me being me, I expected the weather to be average and just packed jeans, thinking that shorts would be a pointless exercise.

Oh me of little faith, it has been absolutely scorching back in Wales, blue skies the lot. It's just nice to come home and relax and not really do very much for a few days.
Thursday saw my older sister's 24th birthday and next Thursday will see a smaller sister celebrating her 12th birthday. May is rather an expensive month as then the Sunday is my Nan's birthday.
All this and I was rather skint to start off with.

Anyway, all is well in my little bubble for a change, although having to go back to England on Friday will be rather sad :(

I survived!

2010-05-16T11:40:00.003+01:00

Yesterday went really really well from what I can tell regarding photo shoot.
One of my Dads customers has an amazing garden, full on woods and bluebells etc which I already knew about.
I did almost die when we went and actually saw it all yesterday!!!
Sizewise it was easily 20 times bigger than I thought it was, but as it was on a slope I had only ever seen a small patch in comparison.
But basically it was like heaven, full of flowers and colour. (and luckily sun)

The drive down wasn't particularly positive looking as the sky looked grey and awful, but when we actually arrived in my home town it was just beautiful.

Spent maybe 3 hours shooting in this garden in perfect weather yet as soon as we finished and I checked my phone, there was a message from my Mum warning that it was meant to rain between 1-4. Just when we were shooting!!!!
Lesson here is never trust the weather forecasts!

So far have only seen one picture from the shoot, but should be some mega pictures coming out of it soon, providing my face doesn't look too weird in the rest of them. As it was soo sunny and I was looking into the light, well I looked a bit odd!

Have literally slept since about half 5 yesterday till 11am today with approx half hour of awake time in the middle as I wasn't a very well Zilla last night, but feeling better now.
Providing I ignore the fact I was meant to be packing for my week and a half back in Wales. EEP.
Meh. Maybe later!

Last night.

2010-05-14T16:27:00.002+01:00

I did something I have never ever ever ever ever done before yesterday.
I had my first time behind the wheel of a car!
Now for most people that's probably a bit of a so what? but I was so proud of myself yesterday that I did it (and it is the start of getting somewhere on my list) and I didn't stall.

Major win!

Before my driving around a racetrack, myself & uber bestie had a wander around the city to buy props for a photography shoot tomorrow.
Now when I say buy props, I mean we ended up sitting in Starbucks, H&M and Topshop debating sun dresses in readiness for our holiday in July!

So instead, today we made up for our lack of productivity and actually went for prop shopping.

Today's debate was along the lines of which colour netting/fabrics we needed for tomorrow and for what corsages for hair we needed.
We managed it, even though in the process I got abused by a suicidal apple and we got told off by some ratty bloke for wasting an apple.

Tomorrow shall definitely be interesting anyway, but if I don't blog about it, it will be because the location didn't work out as well as planned and I have been buried in the woods! Fun times :D

Best of all, I didn't let anyone steal my good mood today!

Priorities.

2010-05-12T22:50:00.003+01:00

The ever brilliant Char told me that really just vaguely touching on my problems is going to get me nowhere, and that I need a proper list I can look at. Kind of properly facing up to everything in a way.

So basically these are the things that need to change/happen.

Firstly I need to get working full time. Maybe for the same company as I am now, most likely not though as they only hire part time generally.
But working 20 hours a week just isn't working for me, it is fine if you are a parent or in college/uni but for every day you can't live off that wage.
I need to get myself somewhere that isn't going to stress me out so much and somewhere where I can progress into a supervisor position in the next 6-12 months.
Sounds silly and a bit naive saying I want a less stressful job and to be a supervisor, but the stress currently isnt proportionate to the role I am currently in if that makes any sense at all.

Secondly, but only really achievable after managing the first one is for myself & boyfriend to move out of his parents house and get our own little place somewhere.
Location wise may be an issue again as I work in the city centre, and he works in the complete opposite direction.
He is learning to drive though so I am sure I could persuade him into moving into the city.
Between the two of us, really couldn't afford to have our own place until I am bringing in the same sort of amount of money as him!

Next on the list is getting myself in gear and learning to drive.
I will be 21 in September and everyone else has been driving for absolutely ages so I need to get moving!
If I could drive, it would also mean I could be more flexible with where and when I can work as at the moment I am restricted by our lousy excuse of a bus service.
Could also get back home and see my family in Wales easier and more often than gritting my teeth and relying on an equally useless coach service to get home!

Pretty sure there was something else, but I am having a complete mind blank at the moment. I so badly want all these things to happen so I can be happy but it never does fit into place as well as you hope.

Life in general...

2010-05-11T22:53:00.003+01:00

At the moment I seem to be a bit lost in myself.
Lost whatever sense of direction I wanted to be moving in, all goals and ambitions.
I have none of that.
Bit disconcerting that I am as miserable and depressed as ever (woo!) and that I can't get any enthusiasm other than for going back to Wales.

A very wise friend told me the other night that basically I am in control of my change, if I don't get motivated and decide what I am going to do, then I have no-one else to blame but myself. It is all down to me to get what I want out of life.

I have been trying to live up to that, but with a million and one things in my head it seems really tough. All I ever really want to do is cry or sleep :/

I really do need to sort myself out mind, a new start in every way possible, but it's bloody hard trying to make that first step again to improve my life, especially seeing as it was only last month I applied for jobs, had an interview and consequently failed as usual.
That just shoved me straight back into my little miserable existence.

But now all that is written down, basically I have a record of my little rant.
A year down the line I AM going to look at this and laugh at how sad I was here, and if I don't well to be fair I possibly don't deserve to be living.

Also major fail on my part, but thank you for my comments Laura, I have no idea how I am meant to know if there is any comments, was only a stroke of luck I noticed today!
So if anyone offers some help with my blog inadequacy and can help me work out something so I know, that would be lovely!

As an afterthought, my mood isn't bettered by some changes which are happening in my working life which just makes my travel arrangements more frustrating and complicated.
Feel like I am wasting more of my time as well.

But this shall all be part of the process I suppose to make my life happier.

Weekend!

2010-05-09T20:47:00.003+01:00

Friday was meant to be a great day for me, start of the weekend, start of my journey home to see my family for a few days.
It was also a sad day for me, as one of the girls I worked with had her final day.
The cookie I ordered went down a treat although I discovered when we gave her the cookie that she was currently on a diet. *Facepalm*
She did love it mind and it was going to be her exception to the diet.
Tomorrow she starts her new career & I am going to miss her a stupid amount!

I had a lovely time back home & definitely do not want to go back to work tomorrow as I should be still in Wales with my family.
Always so hard leaving everyone, especially as my Dad is rather in a bad place right now & is feeling very lonely and depressed.

That is probably the hardest thing for me.
Once my parents got divorced when I was 9, I decided to go and live with my Dad whereas my sisters stayed with my Mum.
Obviously my Dad and I have always been very close and I feel I should still be there living with him, instead of miserable in Bristol.

I am looking back into the option of moving back home again.
I don't feel that this is the right place for me but then again the reason I moved up here originally was for a job. If I go, then what would happen to the boyfriend and I?
He would have to stay here with his work and I would be home.

I just wish I could fix everything.

Hopefully due another trip back home next saturday as the lovely Char may be using some woodland belonging to one of my Dads customers for a photoshoot.
Fingers crossed!

Voting day.

2010-05-06T17:22:00.004+01:00

I woke up this morning, stared into the wardrobe for a good 20 minutes and had a go at the boyfriend as I had nothing to wear to work.

This was down to my recent splurge on summer clothes, when outside was grey and debating whether it wanted to rain or not.
Cue much abusive at weather.

So after deciding on my basic staple outfit (cami, boyfriend jersey blazer in black, super skinnies in black, worker/army/stompy boots) I heard the car engine outside.

It turns out, I could have gone and voted before going to work today, but due to the clothing situation I had missed my chance, great.
So instead I wandered off to work and decided later I would go to the polling station.

Work was a rather average day, left with a slight headache and had spur of the moment decision that we needed to get a giant Millie's Cookie for one of the girls that was leaving tomorrow for a job in the legal sector. Convinced a few people that they would love to give me a small donation towards said cookie.

£12 for a giant cookie?!

Anyway, my good deed of the century done (not even joking about that) I wandered down to HMV for some spendings.
Zane Lowe has been going on and on about the new Deftones album on twitter, so I treated myself to it.
Erm.
I think he was definitely over exaggerating about it being their best record ever, but a few listens may change my opinion.

ANYWAY.

I arrived back in my town to discover dearest boyfriend had eaten the pizza in the fridge.

MY PIZZA I hasten to add.
He then ruined my day even more by voting LibDem.
I got completely confused as to what I was even doing in the polling station, made a fool out of myself and then couldn't find the ballot box.
I don't think they should give me the choice to vote next time.

I think I need to reconsider my current relationship arrangement and possibly either run away with bestie, or turn into a nun.
Or possibly just tell my ultra conservative family about boyfriend's travesty- I wouldn't have to worry about him after that!

Are maxi dresses practical?

2010-05-05T16:22:00.005+01:00

Today I decided to give in and wear one of my new Maxi dresses to work.
By wearing to work, I actually meant walk in looking like a tramp in joggers and then having a transformation before my start at 9am.
All of this went well until about 11am when I first almost went flying as the hem stitching decided to catch in my sandals.
I shrugged it aside as a one off and carried on with what I was doing.
Over the space of the next 2 hours of my shift I got tangled up in my dress at least 20 times, each time causing me to try and detangle the thread from my footwear.
After I finished I gave in and bought another 2 pairs of sandals (without any embellishment, but couldn't decide on black or brown) to wear with this dress in future.

Still I thought everything was fine until I got home.

Around my waist/hips where my belt had been sitting all the material has bobbled up quite badly (blaming the primark belt for that) and around ankle and above area I have lots and lots of snags in the material which looks awful, luckily it isn't visible unless you look really close up. Black does have its uses.

This was the cheaper of the two dresses- but after being worn once for 5 or 6 hours, it is pretty impressive how much the sandals have messed it up.

Trying to work in a maxi dress it turns out is not very practical for me, but at least I had lots of compliments on my outfit!

But in a nutshell I love the outfit. Just bad luck on my part! <3
May have to buy another one and be careful what sandals I wear with it.

Accessories for the day.

EVIL EVIL EMBELISHMENT! (but they do look lovely with everything)

The whole picture. (Excuse the mess, I couldn't be bothered to use my own mirror so I stole someone elses!)

Recent buys!

2010-05-02T12:47:00.004+01:00

I was hoping yesterday to have arrived home with a few nice buys, but it turns out the only things I bought in Bristol were a Starbucks and a Burger King.
So I will have to make do with some of my purchases from during the week!

Firstly my maxi dress:
This is the one which New Look has been advertising a lot in bus shelters and in the windows of their stores. Obviously looks a lot better when you have accessorised it with a belt and jewellery and looks a lot better on than in the photo!
It is £15 and it also comes in a few other colours, purple, a khaki colour, coral and some stripey variations.

I also own a really bright colourful one which was from a concession New Look stock called Paprika and was £32. As I can't find a photo online I will have to wait until I have tidied up before taking a photo as you have to see it on to appreciate it. (or at least that's what I think)

The jewellery:
Also from New Look are my shiny things, there is also currently an offer on in stores (not sure about online) which gives you buy one get one free :) and if you are a student you would also get 20% off for the time being. (Lucky!)

It's most likely I will have more new clothes within the next maybe 3 days? I actually am horrendous for buying stuff!
Although I do really need a chunky belt to wear with the maxi...

Holiday!

2010-05-01T13:04:00.000+01:00

After several weeks of constantly searching for the perfect place to go, we finally have a winner.
We yo-yo'd between Greece & Portugal for 99% of it, before deciding on risking Majorca two nights ago.
As of this morning we actually now have somewhere booked!
I have a bit of a hate-hate relationship with Majorca after an awful holiday there maybe 7 or 8 years ago in a 4* hotel all inclusive.
Within a day of arriving there we all became ill (later finding out the cause was the swimming pool as it contained bacteria from a dead animal which must have come to its demise in said pool) and the hotel was filthy. Cockroaches in the restaurant along with stone cold food, exposed wiring as they remodeled. It was literally hell!
I remember the trip back to the plane we had to stop every few metres to throw up in the plants at the airport!

But anyway, we have high hopes for this holiday, especially after all of the stress the group of us going have had for the last year or so!

Also a good excuse to add to my new collection of maxi dresses which I am now infatuated with!

Buses and being held hostage to icky flying things.

2010-04-30T22:35:00.001+01:00

My bus journey home was rather stressful. Sat behind me were two men obviously going through a mid life crisis rather loudly, (needless to say I decided to drown them out with my angry music) one man kept randomly hitting me and the other took a dog along with him on the bus.

Now I don’t mind dogs at all, honestly I am rather fond of them.

But this dog was rather annoying. Not only was it a rather scrangy looking thing, but it absolutely stank, rather much like his owner.

This dog insisted on sitting under my seat- I didn’t mind that in the slightest, but it kept clawing and rubbing itself on the back of my boots.

I refrained from kicking the dog (just) but just bit my tongue for the entire journey home.

So I got off the bus at my stop, after being victim to it for an extra 15 minutes than usual, taking up an hour of my life I am never going to get back.

I walked to my front door and started rummaging for my keys in my handbag when I noticed I had a little visitor waiting at the door.

Conveniently placed right in front of my door buzzing about was a wasp. (I HATE wasps!)

I full on squealed and jumped back a few metres away from the hellspawned buzzy thing, dropped my bag on the floor and waited for about 5 minutes for the effing thing to fly away. Then I realised I couldn’t find my keys, which led to me chucking everything out of my handbag on the floor.

Lesson here being I really need to invest in a smaller bag!

But there we go, I must be the only person that gets held hostage by a wasp of all things.

The randoms of the night.

2010-04-30T22:34:00.000+01:00

The randoms of the night.

Last night as I was trying to sleep I came to realise a few things.

Firstly, Lucozade does NOT work during the day at all, but it sure as hell gives you energy when you are trying to sleep (thanks for that you sugary vixen, I now have to go to work on like 3 hours sleep!) and secondly that when you are trying to sleep, meaningless conversations seem to happen.

The boyfriend started telling me about how he was sat underneath the ‘air conditioning unit’ in work and that it was so lovely and cold. I proceeded to laugh that he wouldn’t just call it an air-con, argued about that fact for a good 20 minutes easily before he decided to get on his high horse and tell me about how he is now speaking properly as he constantly listens to idiots on the phone all day. (He works for a leading electrical appliances retailer in a call centre providing technical support for computers and stuffs.)

The government has this scheme going on to give disadvantaged families on every benefit under the sun a free laptop and internet.

So he considers the majority of them to be skanks that pop kids out like no tomorrow so they don’t have to work.

When talking to these people who probably dropped out of school when they were like 12, he finds it hilarious to talk properly as it supposedly confuses them.

He also likes to use all the proper jargon, which makes them go ‘uhhh wahhhhh mayyyyyyyyte?’.

I do find it hilarious though that he loves customers that complain although I am just happy that he is back working again after several months of being unemployed due to a lovely little corrupt company firing him for basically no reason.

Really disjointed ranting there, but after literally no sleep and being about 5 minutes from heading off to work, I think I can be forgiven!

2010-04-30T22:31:00.000+01:00

Well I suppose this should be my first post.

Photo was shot by best friend Char (http://charloustonephoto.tumblr.com/) absolutely ages ago, but I just love it!

Makes me miss having long hair as I am currently sporting boy hair as the boyfriend lovingly describes it.

Hoping I can actually stick to writing a blog, I attempted this a few days ago starting up on Tumblr, but we didn't quite get along!

Also hoping that by getting everything off my chest on here should help me stick to a slightly happier and stress free life, but I doubt it!